visit tracker on tumblr
  • Mom: Dolly, when you have free time paint my nails.
  • Me: Ok
  • Dad: Paint mine too.
  • Mom: Did you get laid last night?
  • Pastor Mariano: What laid?
  • Mom: What kind of meat is this?
  • Me: Beef
  • Mom: Taste like human meat
  • Me: How would you know what human meat taste like?
  • Mom: I used to eat you ;)

I told my brother about my recent discovery of my trust issues and he said, “That means your trust is valuable.”

  • -Mom looking at my books on my desk-
  • Me: what are you looking at
  • Mom: I'm looking at what you're reading. Junk. Junk junk junks.
  • Brother: Set up a sleeping schedule so we know when not to bother you.
  • Me: How about you don't bother me at all
  • Me: why didn't you go out with Tita Susan?
  • Mom: Because she's busy. And fat.
  • My brother: what's a fandom
  • Brother: You don't need to get jazzed up. We're just going to the burger shop
  • Me: -____-