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I want to punch myself in the face

I’ve been pushed around, used, neglected and abused my whole life. It’s happen to me so much that it comes naturally to me. I’ve been hurt by my own family, closest friends and even by the girl I currently like. 

For the past few months, I have been emotionally dead. I just didn’t care about anything anymore. I didn’t care about my friends, the girl I like or even myself. I was belittling myself a whole lot and just didn’t care whether it hurt or not. 

Then a few weeks ago, the girl I like comes around and apologizes for shutting me out and hurting my feelings. Before I know it, she was being nice and talking to me more. This whole time, I’ve convinced myself that I did something to drive her away. That I creep’d her out or that I made her feel uncomfortable at one point. And I’ve grown to accept that.

I want to punch myself in the face because I’m having feelings for her again after shutting them out for the past few months. I’ve had some bad days these past few weeks and it made me realize that during those bad days, I would think of her and I would feel better. Just the thought of her would take away my anger, anxiety and irritation. I’ve been crying because I’m confused as shit and I don’t know what to do. I literally have no one to talk to about any of this and it just brings back horrible memories where I was alone to figure out my own feelings. Just thinking about any of this makes me want to cry.

Pretty chill, laid back birthday.

But tbh, I would of rather just smoke, eat pizza and make out with her.

Me for the past few days: If it’s not Gay Ass, then I don’t care.

I’m developing feelings again. Quick, someone punch me in the face

  • -Mom looks at most obvious zit on my face-
  • Mom: Uh, oh. Someone is in love
  • Me thinking: I better fucking not

Thinking about your crush’s lips like

image

"We shouldn’t kiss. We have different views on what that is."

WAN; April 2, 2014

"When she would invite me to smoke with her, I could care less about what we’re doing. I just wanted to be with her."

LTN; March 21, 2014