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So when I tell him that I’ve been shutting my feelings out for this girl that I’ve been crushing on for over a year now (I have perfectly good reasons why too) he just tells me, “Well I’m gonna stop talking to you.” But it’s perfectly ok for him to be a whiny, pussy ass bitch and keeps telling me that the girl he really likes hates him over and over again when clearly she doesn’t?!?!?!

How is that fair?!?!

I haven’t even received the package yet and already I’m acting so stupid right now just because of the way she wrote my name and that she drew a heart next to it. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW.

You could make fun of everything that there is about me but don’t you fucking dare start bashing on the person I like. I don’t want your negativity get in the way of what I think is beautiful.

Pretty sure if we were to ever hang out in person, I’d look at her like she’s a masterpiece painting

I want to punch myself in the face

I’ve been pushed around, used, neglected and abused my whole life. It’s happen to me so much that it comes naturally to me. I’ve been hurt by my own family, closest friends and even by the girl I currently like. 

For the past few months, I have been emotionally dead. I just didn’t care about anything anymore. I didn’t care about my friends, the girl I like or even myself. I was belittling myself a whole lot and just didn’t care whether it hurt or not. 

Then a few weeks ago, the girl I like comes around and apologizes for shutting me out and hurting my feelings. Before I know it, she was being nice and talking to me more. This whole time, I’ve convinced myself that I did something to drive her away. That I creep’d her out or that I made her feel uncomfortable at one point. And I’ve grown to accept that.

I want to punch myself in the face because I’m having feelings for her again after shutting them out for the past few months. I’ve had some bad days these past few weeks and it made me realize that during those bad days, I would think of her and I would feel better. Just the thought of her would take away my anger, anxiety and irritation. I’ve been crying because I’m confused as shit and I don’t know what to do. I literally have no one to talk to about any of this and it just brings back horrible memories where I was alone to figure out my own feelings. Just thinking about any of this makes me want to cry.