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  • Me: why didn't you go out with Tita Susan?
  • Mom: Because she's busy. And fat.

My mom drove my car for the second time today and she’s afraid to press on the gas. She can’t handle the tork

I almost told my uncle, out of nowhere, yesterday that I was a lesbian. I think if I actually do tell him, I’ll film his reaction

  • Me: -taking out the garbage-
  • Mom: Be careful. Don't hurt yourself
  • Me: How can you hurt yourself taking out the garbage
  • Me: -trips-
  • My brother: what's a fandom
  • -Me buying my brother a $40 movie-
  • Brother: I owe you so much. Are you spiking on Sunday? I'll buy you 4 plates of carne asada fries
  • Me: No I'm not
  • Brother: What do you want to eat on Sunday?
  • Me: Gay Ass (Nickname for the girl I like)

I am against you not having sex. So have sex with me