If you knew all the shit some of my friends have put me through in the past years, it’d make you really sad
It makes me sad
Regarding my weight loss,
I started for all the wrong reasons but stayed on it for the right reasons.
everybody keeps telling me, “we need to find you a hot girlfriend.”
i don’t get it thooo. do i deserve one or what
I fell asleep in the clothes I wore yesterday so I just changed my shirt & wore the same pants and went to this retirement party to take pictures
I live such an exciting life.
I can actually see myself giving up the internet for a life one day
but until then, it’s all i have.
internet friends are sometimes so much better than your actual friends
because if you were to move away or disappear, their still there in your lives. no matter where you go
- Me: Why don't you get into a tv show? That's what I do when I'm bored
- My brother: I kinda don't want to. Because if I get into a tv show, it'll mess with me. Emotionally that is. I'll get too attach and it'll mess with my emotions and I can't have that
- Me: lol that's what tumblr is all about
Crazy thought but while I was at the gym tonight, the song Some Like It Cold by Hopes Die Last started playing when i was waiting for a machine. And it got me thinking, that I should buy this hoodie from them asap. Simply because that song in particular, i use to listen to it all the time (if you really know my life’s story) when I was dealing with Pauline’s shit. And it was kind of one of the few bands that helped me get through high school. So tomorrow, i’m buying this.
I can’t wait for the exploration to begin
it’s gonna be so fun
Let’s get personal here.
For anyone who cares, i had some sort of mental breakdown last night. I try to be my strongest, i really do. I try to be this special person that understands everybody’s pain simply because i’ve experienced it myself. Heartbreak, anxiety, depression, suicidal, rejection, self harm, outcast, neglected, loneliness etc. And I try my hardest to fight on like everybody else. I try to help others with their problems because I know what it feels like to be alone. I try to be that person anyone can go to, to talk about anything.
But last night was just a breaking point for me. All my life i’ve had to put up with abuse. Whether it’s physical or emotional, I had to deal with it. Along with the fear.
Lately, it’s gotten really bad where recently it was my own fault that cause the “volcano to rupture”. I was left to deal with the mess and all fingers point at me for the blame. I was used for a scapegoat for what the real problems are. At that moment, I just couldn’t do it anymore. During my “mental breakdown”, I unplugged my computer and moved it, wrote in big red letters “You are pathetic. Everybody hates you.” on my desk with a sharpie, wrote on my hands “Kill yourself” & “I wasn’t suppose to be born”. You could probably say I wanted to die.
I was alone and just wrote in my journal everything I was feeling at the moment. The feel of the blade on my skin was on my mind. I wanted to grab my ‘special’ knife and just start cutting deep. But I didn’t. I don’t know why. I just didn’t. I managed to calm down thanks to the power of music but this mood I was in carried on the next day. I got yelled at today because of how i was behaving. In the end, i still feel shitty but not as much like last night.
It’s just so hard to ignore the abuse I have to deal with. The abuse my family has to deal with. All because of one person. My families life revolves around this one person. My life has been so fucked up because of this one person. My families financial struggles is all their fault. The real question here is, how much abuse can one take before they just simply can’t take it anymore?
