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I’m starting to feel like shit and the one person that can make me feel better, I can’t talk to because I have to get over her. Damn it.

I find it funny how just about a month ago, I really liked someone so much that I became very careful with what I blogged in fear of them thinking I was weird or such but now I’m like, “I just don’t fucking care anymore.”

I am ready.

I’m ready to pack up & move out of this wretched town. This town holds painful memories and unforgettable tears. I’ve had my heart broken way too many times within the confines of this bedroom. I’ve experienced the pain, I’ve felt the darkness wrap it’s arms around me. 

I am ready to move far, far away and leave everything behind. I have nothing left holding me down. I shall start anew. Make new friends, make new enemies. See the stars and create new adventures. Explore the unimaginable, discover the wonders of life. Rebuild my damaged heart. Learn to care & love again.

 I am ready.

"She doesn’t deserve me. Because I could of given her cute gifts that I’ve made & given her the kind of romance every girl wants. But she never gave me the chance, so her loss."

Me

(Source: natashiyaa)

And I swear, moving on is the hardest thing to do.

Because you get so attached to someone, it becomes the most difficult thing in the world to just ‘let them go.’

(Source: natashiyaa)

Late Night Confession #2

I’m gay. I used to like this girl named Pauline who caused me nothing but pain & misery. She caused me emotional, physical and mental damage. The two years that I had a big crush on her were my darkest years. I tried many ways to move on from liking her but it proved itself difficult. Then came senior year where we got into a big fight that left us not talking for about 5 months. We go to the same church and the silence made things awkward for me. So I slowly drift away from church. A month before the silence was broken, I started liking another girl. Let’s call her ‘Hayley’. While I started liking Hayley for the remainder months of my senior year I started noticing I was getting over Pauline because there was a new girl in my life. Hayley doesn’t know it (and she never will) but the reason why I like her so much for over a year, even after a rejection and that we’re complete strangers, is because she helped me in a way no one could of. She helped me move on from liking Pauline. By directing my attention towards her cute face rather than towards Pauline’s. And because of that, I’m so thankful of Hayley randomly appearing in my life, even though things didn’t work out. I know it’s beyond stupid to think this way especially towards a stranger but that’s just how I feel.

My life.

I feel as though somethings wrong with me. Because certain people have been leaving my life lately. They have been disrespecting me and treating me like shit.

First, it was this bitch Pauline who I was close friends with at one point but she also made my life hell. She left to go to the philippines for college a few months ago. Second, my best friend Hannah who i’ve known the longest (8 years) decided to focus all her attention on her new boyfriend she’s been seeing/hanging out with for the past 2 years. And because this new guy in her life, she ditched me several times for him and never gave me any time to spend with her. So I dropped her as a friend. And now, my only blood-related cousin I have that’s close-by and that I actually know well because we grew up together, decided to start becoming a total asshole. 

Is there something wrong with me? These people I’ve know for a long time (Except Pauline. I only knew for 2-3 years now) were really close to me. Why are these people leaving my life? Am I becoming a loser? 

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That’s what I would think if I didn’t have any common sense. Common sense saved me from a depression.

Pauline, Hannah & Mark are gone. They are no longer a part of my life. True, they were a part of my life for quiet a long time but not any more. Here’s why.

They treated me like shit. Like I was nothing. They never gave me any respect. They didn’t appreciate my existence. They all did at one point but they eventually treated me like I was nothing.

Those people, are gonna regret treating me bad. TOP SECRET: My life is about to become incredibly awesome. Within the next few months, I’ll be meeting rich people and eventually famous people. I’ll be helping out the army of the USA. Therefore, meeting alot of soldiers who just came out of Iraq/war. I’ll be apart of big/private parties held by rich/famous people. My life is gonna change forever.  And all that is gonna happened before the summer of 2012. 

Once that’s happening, I will remember those who treated me right during high school and give them my blessing. Those who were so kind to me and actually appreciated me will be remembered and treated well as soon as I start getting a regular income in. Those include: Helen, Jiwon, Emily, Zuzel, etc. And defiantly my best friend, Lorraine. She deserves the most from me. She helped me through the pain that bitch Pauline put me through and the simple & heartbreaking crush I had on this girl during our senior year.  

I guess God is showing me who is important in my life and who isn’t. So that way, I can see who deserves to be treated well in the future and those who don’t.

(Source: theycallmetasha)