visit tracker on tumblr

My brother was telling my dad something yesterday and he said, “Tasha’s girlfriend..”

My response was, “Did you just”

Pretty sure if we were to ever hang out in person, I’d look at her like she’s a masterpiece painting

I want to punch myself in the face

I’ve been pushed around, used, neglected and abused my whole life. It’s happen to me so much that it comes naturally to me. I’ve been hurt by my own family, closest friends and even by the girl I currently like. 

For the past few months, I have been emotionally dead. I just didn’t care about anything anymore. I didn’t care about my friends, the girl I like or even myself. I was belittling myself a whole lot and just didn’t care whether it hurt or not. 

Then a few weeks ago, the girl I like comes around and apologizes for shutting me out and hurting my feelings. Before I know it, she was being nice and talking to me more. This whole time, I’ve convinced myself that I did something to drive her away. That I creep’d her out or that I made her feel uncomfortable at one point. And I’ve grown to accept that.

I want to punch myself in the face because I’m having feelings for her again after shutting them out for the past few months. I’ve had some bad days these past few weeks and it made me realize that during those bad days, I would think of her and I would feel better. Just the thought of her would take away my anger, anxiety and irritation. I’ve been crying because I’m confused as shit and I don’t know what to do. I literally have no one to talk to about any of this and it just brings back horrible memories where I was alone to figure out my own feelings. Just thinking about any of this makes me want to cry.

I had a dream last night about her package. That’s how much it’s secretly killing me inside

I’m sorry I haven’t been on much these past few weeks. Life’s been hectic

She’s sending me a package for my birthday and I couldn’t be any more of a nervous wreck.