If you knew all the shit some of my friends have put me through in the past years, it’d make you really sad
It makes me sad
Why did Lexus have to kick Sami out of Blacklisted Me (Whitewidow)
They were perfect together
Damn it Deep Silver
WHY YOU GOTTA MAKE THE DEAD ISLAND TRAILERS SO FUCKING SAD
D’:
I accidently saved over my brothers file on Fallout New Vegas and I started freaking out.
I went outside to tell him while he was on his run and I started to cry and he just stood there and laughed & when I told him what happened he just said it was ok and that it wasn’t a big deal
But still I feel like shit. Ughh
I was upset with the fact that Caleb & John left Attack Attack
but now i’m really sad that Attack Attack is breaking up!
D’:
To whom it may concern:
My name is Natasha. Those that know me in real life know that I’m a very shy, kind loving person. I can be a good friend to those who need it. But most people don’t see past the shyness of my self being and see who I really am. Who that is, I’m still trying to figure out still.
But what I do know is that I’m broken. Like other people, I try to hide that I am. Fake a smile. Tell people I’m ok when I’m really not.
What I really an is tired. Tired if hoping for a better tomorrow. Hoping for a greater future. Hoping the pain stops. Hoping that I’m not really insane.
All my life, I’ve been trying really hard to fit in somewhere. But i never do. With my friends, with my family. Nowhere. Wherever I am, I am alone. I get so lonely sometimes that I talk to the voice in my head like it’s an actual person in front of me.
No one wants me around. I do something wrong and everyone attacks me. I am weak. Too weak for this world. Too weak for this lifetime. I’ve become distant with everybody. So me disappearing forever wouldn’t bring anyone pain. It wouldn’t upset anyone. It’s be like I was never there. Who’s to say that I’ve made if not any impact on someones life. Let alone bring happiness to it.
Death is a promise. A happy ending promise.
- Me: I really want to go to a A Day To Remember concert but I don't have money, a ride and friends
- Dad: -Laughs- Why not take Jaymee?
- Me: She's not into the music that I'm into
- Dad: Oh, that crap music
- Me: WHAT CRAP MUSIC?!?!?!?!
whaaaa it’s not fair
I wanna go to A Day To Remember’s concert w/ BOTH Issues & Chunk! No, Captain Chunk!
:(
Let’s get personal here.
For anyone who cares, i had some sort of mental breakdown last night. I try to be my strongest, i really do. I try to be this special person that understands everybody’s pain simply because i’ve experienced it myself. Heartbreak, anxiety, depression, suicidal, rejection, self harm, outcast, neglected, loneliness etc. And I try my hardest to fight on like everybody else. I try to help others with their problems because I know what it feels like to be alone. I try to be that person anyone can go to, to talk about anything.
But last night was just a breaking point for me. All my life i’ve had to put up with abuse. Whether it’s physical or emotional, I had to deal with it. Along with the fear.
Lately, it’s gotten really bad where recently it was my own fault that cause the “volcano to rupture”. I was left to deal with the mess and all fingers point at me for the blame. I was used for a scapegoat for what the real problems are. At that moment, I just couldn’t do it anymore. During my “mental breakdown”, I unplugged my computer and moved it, wrote in big red letters “You are pathetic. Everybody hates you.” on my desk with a sharpie, wrote on my hands “Kill yourself” & “I wasn’t suppose to be born”. You could probably say I wanted to die.
I was alone and just wrote in my journal everything I was feeling at the moment. The feel of the blade on my skin was on my mind. I wanted to grab my ‘special’ knife and just start cutting deep. But I didn’t. I don’t know why. I just didn’t. I managed to calm down thanks to the power of music but this mood I was in carried on the next day. I got yelled at today because of how i was behaving. In the end, i still feel shitty but not as much like last night.
It’s just so hard to ignore the abuse I have to deal with. The abuse my family has to deal with. All because of one person. My families life revolves around this one person. My life has been so fucked up because of this one person. My families financial struggles is all their fault. The real question here is, how much abuse can one take before they just simply can’t take it anymore?
If i date a girl with scars on her arm
I would kiss each & every one of those scars and tell her she’s beautiful
because I know the feel of the blade against your skin, the burns you get while in the shower and having to wear a sweater to hide your cuts so others won’t judge you.
Believe me, I understand.
